FootballAt least you were still with a lot of people who felt your sadness. You walked down the dirty steps off the stadium among a big mass of jerseys and colors that you could still identify with. You knew they were feeling it too. But later, jerseys and colors alike begin to dissipate, until finally there comes a moment when, definitely, you are all… alone, again.

It was then when any possible “we lost” gave way to “I lost”. You, yourself. Alone in your car. Desolation began overtaking you at that moment. Now, as you toss and turn in bed, or tomorrow, as the sun rises and the world remains unencumbered, someone in your family will smile and offer you coffee, and you will be left feeling, again, like you are throwing your life away. Because today never will be today again. Today is already ruined because you are sad, because you can not help but remember that pitch behind the midfielder. Because you lost.

Maybe you will even wonder whether it is possible that the sadness that governs you when you lose is greater than the joy that overtakes you when you win. If that is indeed the case, you are doing a poor piss job at being a football fan, or at life, for that matter. Either way, you do not possess the emotional balance that is required to think things through today, or to draw any coherent conclusions. Neither do you have the will to. You are not in the mood for coffee or small talk, or for it to be sunny. Never mind that you have a healthy family that loves you, a good job or a life that fools you into thinking that all is well. No matter. It’s just not enough.

Because you lost. It’s that simple.